Me after i gaze upon Medusa’s vile image

"im so over it" <- guy who has not even begun to crest the hill

rapidly unsheathes my katana and you immediately get a phone call from your wife asking for a divorce

one of my favorites of all time

that’s kamala harris

faggot at the vampire mansion

This doesn't narrow it down at all

teenager on medieval phone (lying): I can’t come to the funeral of your 16th sister to die in childbirth, winifred. mom put me in the. uh. I’m in the gallows. for the weekend. yeah it sucks. bye.

They should invent a way to shoot your shot that isn’t deeply profoundly humiliating for all involved

twitter is hell but i really hope it doesn’t actually die because this is in contention for the funniest thing i’ve ever read in my life

i think my favorite response to a complaint about someone is "we should kill them"

girl help i’m starting over again for the 1000th time & i’m beginning to think that life is a never-ending cycle of starting over & i actually have to make peace with that in order to move forward

I just want queer safety and queer happiness

and a queer $500k